One of the things that weighs a lot on me is that I was the only sergeant who wasn't a part of a specific mission where we lost. (...) We lost three of our closest friends.
So, after a promotion board, we were coming up on the Marine Corps birthday, which is right around Veterans Day. It's the day prior. The Marines were also on base with us at Camp Ramadi and they had said something like, we were in something nice for today. (...) They actually flew in beer.
And they asked if we would all be able to be a part of their barbecue (USMC Birthday celebration). So, Sergeant Lucio, (...) Sergeant McWaters, (...) Sergeant Custer, everybody else that was E-5 and above aside from myself. So, I felt a little wrong that I wasn't on this mission. (...) Um, (...) we all got to stay back and participate in the barbecue and have a couple of beers.
And you have to understand at the time I was like, ha, (...) I get to have a couple of drinks. You know what I mean? Like I'm one of the NCOs that didn't have to go out. And so, from a militaristic standpoint, we went light on manpower in the vehicles and only filled our vehicles when E-5s, E-6s, and E-7s and obviously our lieutenant. Cool. Yeah. (...) So they responded to, a call on the EOD network. Not, not even two miles from the base. (...) Uh, in route, they got annihilated.
Ambush?
They got hit by an IED. (...) They got direct fire. (...) They were, they were pinned, and (...) you know, we were identified as QRF (Quick Reaction Force). (...) There was some discussion about whether we should or should not be allowed to go on QRF. Cause we had drank earlier, but none of us gave a fuck. (...) Like we're like, nope. (...) So we beat feet to our vehicles. I mount up on my 50 Cal., like I'm ready to fucking take names and we can see the smoke. (...) We know where it's going down. We know where it's happening and we do know we took KIAs. We didn't know who we took. These were the first specific casualties we took in our platoon. (...) And, uh, you know, you must run and grab body bags and you're making sure you're full of ammo(...) and you got your gear on and you're ready to go.
And I'm fucking lit. Like I'm ready to, to take names(...) and then we can't go anywhere. A Bradley breaks down, right in the serpentines as you exit camp and I'm telling you that I can see the fight from my gunner's hatch. I can see the fighting and all I want to do is just fucking help. And I can't. There's nothing you can do.
So, we reverse course, and we go out the backside and try to make our way around. (...) It's like a 20–30-minute detour. (...) It's over at that time. (...) Uh, thankfully we had some infantry units in the area that responded, (...) suppressed the enemy, um, cordoned off the area, but the next part, (...) the next part is making sure that we go home with everyone, right? Cool. So now we're there and we're, we're setting up, um, (...) we cordoned off the area and we're dismounting and we're just picking up what we can find the rest of the wreckage. (...) Our hemtt wrecker comes out and tows the fucking blown apart Humvee. And then it's like, well, wait a minute. Where is everyone? (...) And then, you know, (...) and then you must make sure that you bring as much of your battle buddies as you can home with you. You fill it in, and you put it into these, these bags and you, (...) the sound of that fucking zipper won't ever leave my ear.
It's just interesting the things that you carry with you. You think explosions, you think ricochets, you think all the things you can think of, but the fucking sound of closing a body bag on someone you knew, on someone you love, like that shit's real. (...) And I think like that haunts me, it upsets me, and it bothers me. Like, (...) could I have changed it? Maybe not, but do I want to? (...) Like that's, that's the point. (...) That's just one, one fucking "amazing" day in Iraq. I don't mean to, I got to, (...) now, now I, have you ever, okay, (...)
So, your trigger, (...) if you would, is the sound of a zipper, that brings you back, and gives you flashbacks is the zipper.